Hush. Don't judge.
Hah. Sometimes I think I'm actually funny you know? And I think I am sometimes. Except to people I'm actually trying to impress and then I just sound stupid. Its the curse of the world. Mini tangent FTW!
You know what sucks? That I sit here at night and follow them both on Facebook and Blogger and Twitter and Youtube simply because I cannot dare to have them doing things I don't know about. I need to know what's going on in them lives because I miss them both so goddamn much.
As a people pleaser I let people walk all over me. Literally ALL OVER ME. It's especially frustrating because I can see it happening and I know I should be saying no, or yelling, or complaining and I don't. Ever. Seriously, its not ever. I am quiet and I let the world play itself out. For example I should have let you have it when you told me we could still be friends. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so stupid for believing "friends" would actually work. You lied again you know.
Why do people lie so compulsively? It's obvious when they lie, you can tell its all just a lie, a way to make believe everything works itself out. But its not and everybody knows it. Lies are ridiculous. We should just say what we mean. Yes a level of protecting people is good, but to the point where nothing said is the truth? Thats ridiculous! (And if you know me, INCREDIBLY HYPOCRITICAL--I'm the biggest liar ever. I simply pretend the world is fine when its not. Its better for THEM that way).
Why do people lie so compulsively? It's obvious when they lie, you can tell its all just a lie, a way to make believe everything works itself out. But its not and everybody knows it. Lies are ridiculous. We should just say what we mean. Yes a level of protecting people is good, but to the point where nothing said is the truth? Thats ridiculous! (And if you know me, INCREDIBLY HYPOCRITICAL--I'm the biggest liar ever. I simply pretend the world is fine when its not. Its better for THEM that way).
If you don't want to be friends with me, or be involved with me, or whatever then SAY IT. Don't tell me you'll be friends then never talk to me again, don't tell me you're leaving because I'm "better off". I THINK I FUCKING KNOW HOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME! Don't use my well-being as an excuse for your lack of interest. Get some balls and own up to your opinions. Oh right, you're one of them. You don't HAVE any balls. And you never will.
Sometimes it would be nice if people just said things. "I love you was a lie." "I'm not okay with us not having sex." "I don't like that your parents have rules." But no. Never. That's for sure too much to ask for.
Ah whatever, it's okay. I don't ask for anything anymore.
You'll give me what you want and keep the rest and spread more lies, but you will get all of me.
This is what you get when its 11 30 at night and I've just spent all day with people being reminded of my past mistakes. Consume, enjoy, move on. Thanks.
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